This is a whispery post because Aaron Paul DM’ed me about my response to his tweet about jelly bellies but I can’t respond because he doesn’t follow me so I’m just tweeting at him like the fucking idiot that I am and I tried so hard for like 4 minutes to not tell anyone about this but you know how if you don’t tell someone about something it doesn’t feel real ?
not only do we have to stuff our vaginas with cotton for a week every month but if we don’t change that cotton regularly it could make us really sick and maybe even kill us
if we’re lucky(?) enough to have large breasts we have to wear an uncomfortable bra for those breasts all day and even while we sleep so that they won’t be saggy and our husbands will still find us attractive
if we’re lucky(?) enough to have large breasts we have to deal with men staring at them whether we want them to or not and in some cases even touching them
we can’t help it, we’re just emotional!
we get paid less
it takes us like, so long to get ready
boys drive us crazy
(if not boys, then other girls drive us crazy)
chocolate is getting SO expensive
the female orgasm is far more elusive than the male orgasm
if we ever get pregnant and need to not be/don’t want to be and we live in virginia we have to get a giant stick jammed into our vaginas before we can get an abortion like HELLO getting sticks jammed in there is what got us into this mess
if we don’t want to get pregnant and are lucky enough to have health insurance, birth control still costs more than Netflix even if you get the goddamn DVD’s
if we don’t want to get pregnant and aren’t lucky enough to have health insurance well you better hope that condom doesn’t break
if we don’t take birth control you better buckle your seat belt because PMS is a real and VICIOUS thing and we actually can’t control it
buying the Plan B pill is extremely embarrassing
(lots of other things that my mind can’t grasp at 5 am)
Things that aren’t terrible about being a girl:
we get to paint our nails!!!
we get to wear makeup!!!
we get to wear pretty dresses!!!
boys are sooo cute!!!!
if we’re lucky enough to have large breasts we get ATTENTION!!!!!
I can’t wait until I have a family and we drive through my college town on the way to somewhere some day, and I get to say to my kids, “See that methadone clinic over there? That used to be a Rite-Aid, and mommy would always walk there in her pajamas at midnight to buy chocolate.”