July 2011
22 posts
“My ex and I used to pretend that his penis was leaving a voicemail for my vagina. His penis is a sort of Woody Allen character that is always timidly inviting my vagina to a barbecue….”
—
(via collegehumor)
this actually made me laugh out loud. my vagina doesn’t receive nearly enough voicemail messages these days.
(via hellahotmess)
“
But I saw he got married and it really bummed me out because even though I know I probably live a way cooler life than he ever will or ever thought I would, I just think it’s really unfair that some people are allowed to breathe without you. That’s maybe the greatest tragedy in life, beside like, unexpected deaths. I know the answer to this because there are many people out there who are my someones that I’ve chosen to live without, but seriously… How can someone live without you? How can someone get married without you?
I know the answer, I know. I know what the deal is and even that, statistically, their relationship will end and that the more successful of the two of them will wind up paying for the other for the rest of their lives long after they are no longer legally or spiritually bound to one another, but it’s hurtful.
” —MollsSheWrote:- 5 Year Old Cousin: What are you doing, getting drunk?!
- Me: No...I'm just drinking a beer.
- 5 Year Old Cousin: YOU WISH YOU WERE GETTING DRUNK!
- Me: .......
- Me: Well, I just found a new brownie recipe. I call them "Menstrual Brownies."
- Bro: Oh, they sound good.
- Me: Yeah, I make them with extra eggs.
stop and smell
if it’s not wrong of me
to stop and smell the roses
(and what a good year it was for them)
why do i feel demolished
when i pull my vehicle over
to envision what once was considered
grand architecture in a world pastmaybe i am unable to believe
there was a certain craftsmanship
that made beauty form
and content follow
(or was it the other way around)
WHO CARES
it’s still gorgeous in any light
at any juncture
in any state of repair
(or dis-)staring at those remnants
of brick and stone
and glass and metal
and steel and brass
that once were lights fixtures
and decorative sconces
and pained glass
created by only
that imaginative desire
to achieve greatness
through cantilevered balconies
and textile concrete blocks
always reminds mei will never be great
and recreating everything else
that never should’ve been
(like punctuation and corrective lenses
and truth and reality)
would be too difficult
in this late hourso questions of
is this real
or am i dreaming
are better left asked
on a tuesday morning
when the street cleaner
acts as an alarm clock
One time in high school I agreed to go get ice cream with a guy but then he decided he wanted to go to applebee’s and get a salad instead. So I drank water as he told me that he thought he was a virgin, but one time he went to visit his brother at college and woke up naked in a bed with three girls.
It’s like, could I never be with someone who likes the brownie edge pieces because I think that’s weird and gross OR do I want to be with someone likes the brownie edge pieces because they’ll eat those ones and leave the good middle pieces for me?
