Last night I ran into an elementary school friend of mine at a bar and she promptly announced that she was now a lesbian, thought about me “frequently”, and that I was her “obsession” when we were kids.
It’s quarter to 2 in the morning and I find myself sitting on the couch in my underwear, laughing about how I lost my virginity to the guy I was infatuated with all through high school only after he had suffered a traumatic injury and gone insane (which I didn’t realize until it was a bit too late).
The worst thing is when you’re sleeping in a bed with someone you don’t have a romantic relationship with and you roll over onto your other side and then you’re facing each other and breathing each other’s breath. That is the worst and disgusting and it is happening to me right now but I put a Teddy bear between our faces.
The hardest part about being a girl is that at some point during the day (or three) that you go without showering, a few of your beautiful long hairs will stray from your head, fall down your back and somehow become wedged between the cheeks of your butt. And you know eventually you will have to pull them out, and it won’t be pretty, and it’s going to feel weird.
You know how when you encounter a snake, or a bear, or some creature, (I can’t remember which) in the wild you’re supposed to remember that the animal is just as afraid of you as you are of them?
Did you know that can apply to boys you encounter in the wild as well? I was always too busy shaking and sweating and panicking (and running to the bathroom) to realize that the boy could be doing the same thing. But apparently they can, though I do wish they could just grow a pair.
This is a whispery post because I’m pretty sure that I lost my first “arm-wrestling contest” this evening. That probably isn’t true, I’ve probably lost many before but maybe I’ve blocked those losses from my memory because apparently women are good at forgetting things they don’t want to remember.