joaniepepperoni

Do you guys ever think about how weird it is that we wake up every morning and live every day counting on the fact that no one is going to murder us? 

Here is a list of people who could murder us if they felt like it:

• bus driver
• taxi driver
• teacher
• professor
• receptionist at where ever we are
• delivery person
• person riding by you on their bike
• person walking past you on the sidewalk
• LITERALLY ANYONE EVER

I would hate to be a guy existing in the world right now because Ryan Gosling exists and looks and acts the way he does and your girlfriend would probably be thinking about him when she’s fucking you. But at the same time I hate being a girl in the world right now because Ryan Gosling exists and looks and acts the way he does and I don’t even have a boyfriend so I can’t think about Ryan Gosling while I’m fucking him. 

lookedlikelaughing:

she was capital f Fancy like a british accent through good teeth
like a freshly groomed Ragdoll like a Fabergé egg with papers of authenticity 
maybe that was what drew me in maybe it was our similar libatory selections
maybe i don’t know maybe i’ll never know maybe who cares
what do men boys really know when it comes to sophistication 
or reproductive rights or class warfare or women’s colleges 

anything 
    something 
            nothing 

and even though i was out of my league
like a Yale freshman in a King House bed after hours
my intensions were still as unspeakably obvious 
she could see through my façade of multiple syllables 
and four-in-hand knots and physical escalations 
as though it were scarcely stitched of gossamer and lace  

her impression was correct regarding my lifestyle decisions
of watching pre-recorded sitcoms alone on mother’s Kroehler  
with a lack of cash in my pocket and empty shelves in the fridge 
and a feline companion to silence the nagging
of that desperate desire for high-yield municipal bonds 
and unsupervised visitations and a ring of skeleton keys 

in my head wandered the idea of her milieu:
something out of Brontë (more Emily than Charlotte than Anne) 
and i was more than probly correct in my assumption of her
i would bet gold bullion and chambray oxfords on it 
just as i would purchase life insurance prior to skydiving 

and as swift as our communion began despite our similar taste in potations 
the entrance fee was raised the height requirements were out of reach 
i was removed from the premises for not wearing a the proper attire
shaking me awake like an irrational parent quieting a restless infant 

i happen to mind those little things that add value to everyday life 
like clipping coupons and common sense and correct postage 
i guess she preferred her contact lenses to be one-a-day 

maybe that’s what everyone looks for in a dance partner 
someone who steps on yr toes as often as you to theirs 
i guess that’s why most people settle 
for what they find right in front of them

while i never have to leave my home to find two left feet  

-suburbanmike