joaniepepperoni

I left my hairdresser a very generous tip today because I felt like that was easier than saying, “Sorry if you could tell that my nipples got hard while you were massaging my scalp.”

I just feel like it’s unnecessary to wear giant fake eyelashes to your job working at the Panera drive-thru.

This is stupid - but I hate that Downy commercial with the male twins on the street and all the women coming up and rubbing them to see which shirt is softer, because how fucked up would it be if those were women wearing the shirts and the strange men were coming up to them and rubbing their chests? Or is that the point? What is the message here, Downy? Where is the teddy bear? Or is that a different brand?

I wonder if Brody Jenner will ever be my boyfriend. 

This Father’s Day maybe you should stop blaming everything on daddy issues and just admit that you’re kind of a whore.